my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
