So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
