i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
