): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
