so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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