Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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