Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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