hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
