I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
