two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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