good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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