You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
