If i come over, it means nothing
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
