So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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