this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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