We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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