Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
