Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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