New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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