so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
