drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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