How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
