12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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