No more Irish car bombs ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
