There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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