How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
