..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
