WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
