so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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