hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
