Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
