If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there's paper in my vomit.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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