His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
