He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
