I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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