I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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