ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
