My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
