Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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