I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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