dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
