I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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