in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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