There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
