i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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