He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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