he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
