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The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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