for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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