I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
