I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
