Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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