Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
