We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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