Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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