also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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