We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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