great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize