Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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