wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
