I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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