did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
