THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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