Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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