My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
