im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
