in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
