I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Couch. On fire.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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